so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
