we have pet lesbian snakes
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
