Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
