I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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