Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
