Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
