yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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