your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
