Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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