I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So much rum. So many feels.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
