Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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