i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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