That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
