shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
