Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
