I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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