He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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