Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
