Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
