He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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