the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize