i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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