Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize