Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
