the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
