# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
