Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
