Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
