all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
