I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
