First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
