Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
