Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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