Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize