Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
how do you play pong handcuffed?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
