yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
