my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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