24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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