My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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