dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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