i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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