i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
