The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
