I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
