I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
