college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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