Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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