so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
