You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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