I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize