Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
