I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
