I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
