just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
