life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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