Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
