Can i not drive my cunt home
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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