brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
