I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
