Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I just got carded by a ten year old.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
