lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
