I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
