I think I just saw someone hide a body.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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