well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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