i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
