Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
