You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
