When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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