yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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