Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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