Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
